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Aladdin

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PostSubject: Advice? Army-related :(   Sat Jul 09, 2011 6:01 pm

Soo I'm sorry that this isn't 10 Doors related whatsoever, but I have something on my mind that's really bothering me, and who better to talk to than you guys? Honestly, I feel at ease around all of you, you're easy to talk to, and it's just... awesome. I don't know, you guys are just awesome. Anyway, the issue:

I'm with this guy, Josh. Our relationship is absolutely perfect right now. Even my mom says she hasn't seen me this happy since Keith (a very serious ex of mine). But Josh... Josh is more than Keith. I adore him with all of my heart. We've been good friends for 5 years, and we started dating a couple months ago. We've gotten pretty serious pretty quickly, which normally I'm either against or I'm careful of. But... trust me when I say things are right with him. My mother, father, sisters.. they all agree he's perfect. He's my best friend. I could actually see a future with him, if that means anything to you guys... I'm quite serious about him, everything just feels right.

Anyway, you're probably wondering what the actual problem is. Well, he's a Calvary scout in the US Army. He actually just left this morning for AT basic training stuff, and last night was the last time I will see him for 2 months. Anyway, the plan for him WAS do basic, and then go to Montana and work the rest of the summer at the oil rigs. Great money-maker. And then he goes to college about an hour and a half away from me, which would be a manageable long-distance relationship. (considering I once dated a guy who studied abroad in Korea for 6 months :/ We stayed together 5 of the months and then we ended it, but we're still friends.) Anyway, well... now he is saying he plans on maybe staying in Montana working at the oil rigs throughout fall semester of college and then he'll start up school spring semester. Which is totally fine! But... he just wants more in his life.

We were on the phone tonight, sounds like he had a pretty rough day. UGH, the things he tells me about; I wouldn't last ONE DAY in the army! Kudos to Mulan. Smile Anyway, well when we were talking, he suddenly said "I need to ask your opinion on something... I'm strongly thinking about going active duty. I'd eventually be gone for maybe months at a time, going from place to place, both here and overseas..." It was so hard not to cry right there you guys. From that point on, I had trouble keeping my voice calm enough to talk. I've never experienced a loved one being part of the services, except for a friend of mine who was in the Marines. But... now Josh? I'm just scared... I don't know.

The entire rest of the time we were on the phone I was pretty quiet, and I had silent tears falling down my face. Now I'm alright, but it's just eating away at me. I ended up telling him something to the fact of "Well it would be hard on me, but if it's something you want to do, go for it". Honestly I felt like being selfish and saying "NOOO STAY WITH ME'. But... well, yeah. I just want to let him know I'll support him 110%... Do any of you have an experience like this? I'm scared. Now I feel like crying again. Sad Good thing I've got his army pillow under my chin right now and his army ring on a chain around my neck, it makes me miss him less. Smile

What should I do?
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Sat Jul 09, 2011 9:49 pm

Aawwwwww, Michon, I'm so sorry for you!!! >.< *Hugs super-tight so you can't even breathe*
Tbh, I have no idea about the American army ._.'' The norwegian one is pretty harmless... Razz He wouldn't be in any danger would he? ._.''

If it's just the distance you're worried about... don't worry too much x) I've already told you soooo much about me and Nilay xD You know I hate being away from him, and it's so painful not to be able to see him every day... Being away from him for about 6 months at the time... I can tell you, it's hell... BUT; I wouldn't have done anything different... 'cause when I do see him, and I can hold him and kiss him and feel him again... I swear, it's all worthwhile.

Just... think about how much he means to you... if he is everything you say he is, and if you really have that strong feelings for him... stay with him, and just see how everything goes, support him every step of the way, and just let him know you'll always be there x) I know it's hard, (you know I know xD) but I promise, it's all worth it if you really care about him. You'll see x)

Other than that, I don't really think there's anything else you can do..
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Sun Jul 10, 2011 3:48 am

My boyfriend is going to be a police officer and he's going to be away for 5 months at an academy. As long as I've known him, he's always wanted to be a cop and I've been supportive even before we started dating (unlike his on of this exes, they out right didn't want him to be a cop. When he told me that (loooooong before we started dating) I said, "Well, I can see her point of view of being worried about you, but she can't stop you. If it's what you want to do, she should support you.")

Anyways, I've been dating him for about 6 months now and my family LOVES him (my dad is trying at least XD Failing at making a proper relationship with him, but trying nonetheless.) and my mom keeps telling me that I'm the type of person that can be a cop's wife XD I was surprised when she said that, but thinking about it, I am. Whenever he rushes off to a fire, I don't freak out and beg him to stay, I walk him to his truck, kiss him, tell him I love him, then watch him drive away all the while praying that he's safe.

If you can make it through these two months without straying, I'm sure you can make it through a longer period of time, besides if you marry him, you have to live on a military base, right? Not saying it won't be hard, but if you're meant for each other, it will work out Smile Just don't forget to live your life while he's away, focus on your studies and stay away from other guys, because since you're really taken, they will follow after you like moths to a flame, and rumors will somehow reach your bf, which will not be good. Don't get stuck alone with a guy, that's how the rumors start.

This is basically what I have to do for my last two semesters, because my bf will not be there and neither will brother, who could defend me if rumors arise. I'm being left to a pit of wolves, with my ex as the alpha...+
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Sun Jul 10, 2011 4:17 am

Well long distance relationships can be the hardest thing in the world but when you are sad an missing him just rememnber him holding you remember his touch and his kiss remember every moment you and him are together even if it is hard you will always see him again and once you do there is not a better feeling in the world
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 5:17 am

Aww thanks Ylva, *HUGE hug, cries into your shoulder* Well yes, the distance is a little part of the problem. But it wouldn't affect our relationship from my perspective. I've had a very long distance relationship before, and we made it a long time. More of the concern is the fact of being shipped overseas to fight... what if something happens to him? It kills me when I think about that. I'm just terrified... my ex, Keith (I've told you all about him.), his best friend is April. April was engaged to this guy, and he was deployed to Iraq. They were going to marry in August, right after he got home. TWO MONTHS before he came home after a 1.5 year deployment, April got a phone call.... he was killed. And I am friends with April as well.. and I had to see her go through all of that. It was one of the saddest things I had ever watched. They were so close, he was almost done.. that's what I'm afraid of.

@Cinderella: Honestly, your message made me feel a lot better. Although the job positions are a little different with our boyfriends, they're really one in the same. They both go away for long periods of time, and they risk their lives with their jobs. I guess that's what I've been so afraid of. I'm very proud of Josh, and I admire him for his bravery. Everything he does makes me proud, and I want to support him. No, I WILL support him. And about military base... he was sort of hinting at a future with us, saying what it might be like in the long run if he did go active duty. He didn't say it, but the way he was talking was hinting me maybe coming with him Smile Although that's never the type of lifestyle I've ever had, I think I could adjust. And I have always wanted to travel. Razz But you're right; this is something that wouldn't happen for a while, so I should just focus on working this summer, enjoying myself, and work hard when school starts back up in the fall. And no worries about staying away from other guys Smile I'll keep those rumors away! Good luck with your boyfriend, you really seem to love him a lot <3 Thank you, you seriously made me feel a lot better. I don't feel so alone. Smile

@Wendy: I once dated a guy who studied in Korea for 6 months, and the distance was sooo difficult. Luckily, we wrote to each other, Skyped every once in a while, emailed.. it made it easier. Although we broke up 5 months into it, we're still good friends. But when he got home, he actually surprised me at work. I'm a hostess at a restaurant, and I was standing at the front desk when someone walked in. It was past closing, so it's not like I sat them. But I looked to my right and smiled at the man, then I went back to cleaning the desk. Then it registered who I had just greeted/smiled at, but him! I freaked out and ran up to him with the biggest hug, it was the best feeling ever seeing someone you care about after such a long time. Smile And I can't wait to have that feeling with Josh. <3
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 5:25 am

I'm so glad my comment made you feel better <33 And yes I really do love him X3 He's the best thing that's popped into my life. Good Smile Stay away from those nasty guys XD Yeah, you're not alone, hun. Smile We both got heroes <33
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 5:34 am

Yeah, boys are icky and have cooties! The only one who is allowed to give me cooties is Joshua Very Happy
They are our heroes... Joshua: My best friend. My love. My hero.
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 1:13 pm

I know that had to be an amazing feeling that was nice of him to surprise you at work :-)
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 1:15 pm

Aladdin wrote:
Yeah, boys are icky and have cooties! The only one who is allowed to give me cooties is Joshua Very Happy
They are our heroes... Joshua: My best friend. My love. My hero.

<33 Took the words right out of my mouth <33
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 3:29 pm

I get to see him on the 23rd/24th before he leaves for Montana for 2 months! Very Happy I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM! Very Happy I feel so pathetic... last time I saw him was.. Thursday and I miss him like crazy. xD

Cindy: Would you mind if I talked to you about this stuff in the future, when it gets closer and really starts bothering me? You're such a comfort and I know I'd feel better. But I'm going to try to be strong Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 3:32 pm

That's great! Very Happy I know the feeling XD I saw my bf yesterday and I miss him like crazy, even though I just talked on the phone with him a few minutes ago X'D

Totally Smile I'd love to talk about it. It's nice to have someone who can kind of relate to the situation you're in. Smile You'll probably help me out too. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 4:02 pm

Thanks ^.^ It's tough, but it will be much better with you to talk to. I just feel horrible, because I'm so proud of him and I support him so much, but at the same time I feel like being NOOO don't do iiiiiit! I'd never say that though, of course. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 4:12 pm

Yeah Smile I get so worried when he goes to fires (he's a volunteer fireman too XD) especially house fires, because one time he went to a house fire and came back so... disoriented...

But one thing my mom always reminds me of is that he asked "Where's Johanna?" not "Call my mom." Smile He asked for me. :') God, I love him... Sorry, got myself teary eyed X'D
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:55 pm

Having never been with somebody, or having never fallen in love, I can only try to understand.
Your words are violent, violent of feelings. Really. Being big one fan of the words, I manage more or less to understand which feelings we can put inside. It is violent but also subtle, almost as if you wanted to hide something too big for you.
I am really sorry to know how much you suffer. Even if I have never had of boyfriend, I know that the distance eats away, and burns. My best friend lives on the other side of my country, I didn't see her since 3 years. I miss her terribly, although we spell a letter a week. Her absence eats away at me, then his... I shiver at the idea of your suffering.
We all want to be altruistic, to help our fellow man, to make them pass before us. But in fact, we would like to be all selfish and no never to release the other one. I understand that.
I have no advice to give you. Just a prayer.
Stay strong. Please.
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:15 am

Just keep him in your heart and your prayers time will fly by before you know it :-)
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PostSubject: Re: Advice? Army-related :(   Wed Jul 13, 2011 5:15 am

@Cindy: Awww Smile That's so sweet, makes me want to tear up! I love romance <3

@Eric: Thank you so much for your kind words. Even if you do not have a similar situation, what you say means a lot. I will always remember to pray and keep the faith. Smile

@Wendy: I definitely will do that hon, and I hope it flies by! I'll just have to keep super busy as well Smile
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